Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably heard about BDSM. It's those naughty sex acts popularised by Fifty Shades of Grey, with bondage perhaps being the most widely known component of BDSM, which is actually an umbrella term for a variety of erotic practises.
With BDSM, kinks, and fetishes being more popular (and openly discussed) than ever, it's given rise to another term - vanilla sex. This is often used to poke fun at people that don't have the wildest of sex lives, with it often being used to insult individuals and couples for having boring sex.
Let's take a closer look at BDSM sex vs vanilla sex to see what all the fuss is about!
What is BDSM?
BDSM is an umbrella term of sexual practices, with each subtype having its own unique characteristics. Always performed between consenting partners, the various components of BDSM provide sexual pleasure, with different types of BDSM often being combined.
There is often a psychological and physiological facet to each subcategory of BDSM, meaning that acts can often involve physical and non-physical aspects, such as being verbally or physically humiliated. Sometimes there is no sex involved at all!
That Main Types of BDSM
Bondage (B): Bondage involves tying, binding, and restraining partners.
Discipline (D): Discipline involves a dominant partner enforcing punishment (physical or psychological) onto a submissive partner for breaking a set of pre-established rules.
Sadomasochism (SM): Sadomasochism involves giving or receiving acts of physical and/or verbal pain or humiliation. This ranges from being whipped, spanked or tickled to more extreme forms like torturing senstive parts of the body.
The different types of BDSM can be used together! For example, if someone likes to be tied up and spanked, this as aspects of bondage and sadomasochism.
What is Vanilla Sex?
As the name suggests, vanilla sex refers to sex and foreplay that is considered normal and conventional. Of course, what is considered normal varies from culture to culture, with some sexual acts considered vanilla and normal in one place being viewed much differently in other places.
In Western culture, vanilla sex often means sex in the missionary position. This is the most normal type of sexual position between two partners, so has become somewhat of an insulting term for boring, unexciting sex.
However, people that enjoy BDSM may consider vanilla sex anything outside of the subculture, meaning anything without a kink or fetish as vanilla sex. So, the term can have different meanings depending on who you ask, but generally refers to sexual practices that are considered normal.
The Main Differences Between BSDM and Vanilla Sex
The biggest difference between the two is that vanilla sex tends have less defined roles.
In BDSM, there is always a dominant and submissive partner, or sometimes both (known as switching), and it involves all kinds of activities, and there is often toys and outfits involved like restraints, paddles, gags etc.
Also, there isn't always sex involved. Sometimes being psychologically dominated and submissive gives all the sexual gratification needed, while there are times when BDSM involves actual sex.
Vanilla sex does not involve much. It's basically any type of sexual act considered normal, so it often refers to conventional sex between two partners. There are no kinks involved, so any time that there is dirty talk, role playing, costumes, or any sort of toys, it's no longer considered vanilla sex.