Starting out in BDSM can quickly become overwhelming. A D/s relationship can be exceptionally overwhelming because it is different from a traditional relationship in some ways. Those trying their first D/s relationship often look for a helping start. To help with that question, we have created a beginners guide to D/s relationships for you.
Let's start with where it all begins, the titles D/s. The D stands for Dominant and the s for submissive. A Dominant's title is always capitalized while a submissive is always lowercase.
There are two main ways of going about starting a D/s relationship. One is the traditional way of taking an existing relationship and developing it into a domination-based relationship. A more modern option is to find someone looking for a D/s relationship. A common way to do this is with a dating website that specifically is designed for the BDSM community.
Determining Your Relationship and Communication
The first thing you will want to do when starting a D/s relationship is to determine the specifics of your relationship. No one BDSM relationship is the same and that holds true for a D/s relationship. You may want to discuss whether you are going to live a full-time D/s relationship or just when you are at home. Others may want to have a D/s relationship on the weekends. This will start to lay the groundwork for the rest of your relationship.
Any relationship needs to be build on solid communication. This is no less true for a relationship between a Dominant and submissive. At first glance this may seem odd but after thinking about it, it makes perfect sense. A Dom will want their sub to understand their expectations in order to have fun. In reverse, a Dom can't have fun if the sub isn't enjoying themselves.
Learn To Balance Book Smarts With Bed Smarts
Reading articles like this is a great to get started in D/s relationships. You can get the basic information to get out the gate. At the same time, there is only so much a piece of writing can teach you. Learning to balance reading about D/s with in the bed learning will help you to make great strides in your BDSM life. A book can simply teach you terms and common techniques.
Remember that we said every relationship is different? That means that no article can teach you what will work right for you and your partner. You will have to learn that through trial and error and exploration.
Develop Limits and Safe Words
You probably want to jump right into the fun now but wait. An important step to developing a healthy D/s relationship is to set limits. Limits are specific things or categories of things that you will not do. Every person has their own limits and it is important that both the D and s's limits be respected, or you are crossing a hard line out of the world of BDSM.
That being said, a partner may have soft limits that can be pushed a little. If a limit is pushed too far, or someone feels uncomfortable in general, that is where your safe word comes into play. A safe word is a word or phrase that tells your partner to stop. Make sure your safe word is not a word or phrase that is likely to com up in one of your BDSM scenes. Also ensure that your partner knows your safe word.
Some relationships like to use the orange, yellow, red safe word concept. A yellow safe word means caution, slow down but you can continue. On the other hand, an orange safe word means you have had enough of this activity and it is time to move onto something new. The red safe word is used to signal that you want the scene to stop. If you use the three safe word option, it is important to know each safe word and that they be respected.
In anything BDSM you should always start out slow. This allows you time to fully take in every aspect of new sensations. It also helps to protect everyone involved. Going too far at first can quickly end up with accidently exceeding someone's limit or overwhelming the senses.
Another reason you want to go slow is that it is easy to miss an experience. If you rush through something you aren't getting the full experience. You may end up accidently dismissing something that you like in the BDSM lifestyle.
A D/s relationship is a marvelous thing. So many experiences await you. We cannot exaggerate the importance of slowing down and enjoying every moment. Taking the proper time to communicate and plan can dramatically improve the relationship.